Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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