The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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