I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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