I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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