What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drake has all the answers
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
