y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
