the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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