I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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