I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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