he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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