I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
