im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i have two assholes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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