Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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