Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
