I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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