So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
