somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
