Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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