I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
