a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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