I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
