"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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