His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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