Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
