We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
