don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
