I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize