i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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