At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
