well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
