You just made me feel so damn special
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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