Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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