On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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