Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
