Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
