I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
there is glitter all over my balls
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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