Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize