it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
