awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.