Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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