I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.