Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.