nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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