Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you win again, gameday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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