Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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