Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
