last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
