the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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