he thought i was a dude.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
