my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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