tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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