sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
