By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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