i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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