don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
