Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
