Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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