I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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