I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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