Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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