my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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