If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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