she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
