He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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